By Melissa Partl, LCSW, School-Based Therapist, Christian Family Solutions
Loneliness is something that isn’t really talked openly about much, perhaps partly because social media is full of people sharing every detail of their fun and social lives. Social media isn’t all bad, as it can also be a platform for people to find connection and empathy. You can see that you are not alone in your struggles. You may see someone else has ADHD like you do, or another person is now living cancer-free, or this person too has been impacted by someone who died by suicide. It’s helpful to know your struggles are not unique, and this may help you feel less isolated. But ultimately, social media has its costs and will never be as fulfilling as a flesh and blood friend.
You may feel lonely because you don’t feel truly known by the people in your life. When reflecting on times I’ve felt lonely, this is often when I haven’t shared my true authentic self with the people who I’m spending my time with.
How comforting it is to be with a friend, and they just know. They know how your Mom talks to your Dad, and how you don’t like that. They know how insecure you feel about your smile. They know your mannerisms – like when your eyebrows crease and your lips twitch when you have something to say.
“We all want to find that person who’s going to make our lives better, cooler, who we’re going to find cool things with to do together.” Lorelai Gilmore said this in Gilmore Girls. I think it’s true. But I also think it can become an idol before our relationship with our LORD and Maker.
We can idolize the security that another person, a constant companion, can bring us. It’s not bad in and of itself to crave a best friend, a family, a wife or husband to spend our days on earth. These are good things God wants to bless us with. But when the idol of “security and comfort from others” takes over our hearts and lives, we become lonely and unfulfilled because we have misplaced our worship. When our worship is misplaced in people instead of God, we are sinning.
Instead, strengthen your relationship with God, and look to Him for security and comfort. Worship Him. Praise Him for what He has already blessed you with, and repent of your idol of comfort and security with people. Pray to Him and ask Him for help in these things. If you are in Christ, He will answer your prayers and give you the desires of your heart. And if God hasn’t yet granted you that best friend or boyfriend/girlfriend you’ve been craving, remember that God’s timing is absolutely perfect. It may be tough for us at times, but He provides exactly what we need for faithfulness.
I am often comforted by Jesus’ words in Matthew: “Look at the birds of the air. They do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying, add a single hour to your life?” (Matthew 6:26-27).
I’m so comforted by this simple truth. Birds have exactly what they need, so they can do what they were created to do.
God takes care of you the same, and you are immensely more valuable. We all feel lonely at times. God created us for relationships with people and to be part of a community. But we also live in a world of imperfect people. The only source of perfect security and comfort, where we always feel heard and understood, is God Himself. Focus on strengthening this relationship and get to know your Savior better, and you will feel less lonely. And who knows, you might also find yourself being authentic and feeling more connected to other people as well.
These answers aren’t comprehensive … They are a start. If you or someone you know needs counseling please call Christian Family Solutions Counseling Care & Services at 800-438-1772.
If you are experiencing a health emergency of any kind, please dial 911.
If you are having suicidal thoughts or know someone who is, call or text the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
