Build your resilience: 3 ways resilient people view setbacks (Part 2)

This is the second in a series of articles based on The Resilience Project, a faith-fueled program that teaches how to bounce back faster and stronger from life’s setbacks, challenges, and transitions. Read the first article here.

In the first article, we described three things resilient people do. We also introduced Sarah and John, two individuals who faced the same challenge—losing their jobs. While Sarah became paralyzed by fear and hopelessness, John viewed the situation as a challenge to overcome. His response demonstrated resilience, while Sarah’s response revealed how easy it can be to get stuck in negative thinking.

We dive next into how resilient people view setbacks or rather, how they don’t view them. We’ll continue using Sarah and John’s story to illustrate these principles. As you read, take a moment to reflect on your own resilience and consider areas where you could strengthen your perceptions and mindset.

1.     Resilient people do not view their current circumstances as permanent.

While we all have moments when it feels like things will never improve, resilient individuals know that even in the hardest times, the difficulty is temporary.

Imagine Sarah and John once again. After both lose their jobs unexpectedly, Sarah feels as though her life is falling apart. She sees this setback as a permanent failure, thinking she’ll never recover. In contrast, John also faces grief and uncertainty, but he holds onto hope, understanding that this situation is not permanent. He looks forward to rebuilding, knowing that God has a plan for his future.

When facing a setback, try practicing something called temporal distancing, reminding yourself that how you feel now will not last forever. By imagining a future where today’s challenges are a distant memory, you create space for hope to grow. This aligns with the biblical promise in Romans 8:28: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

2.     Resilient people do not view setbacks as pervasive, affecting all areas of their lives.

For Sarah, when she loses her job, it affects her ability to enjoy other parts of her life. Her mind races with thoughts of failure, and she starts to question her ability to succeed in other areas.

John, on the other hand, experiences similar feelings of disappointment and fear, but he refuses to let the job loss define his entire life. He acknowledges the grief but keeps a broader perspective. He recognizes that his family, health, and faith are not impacted by this one event. John chooses to focus on other areas of his life that bring joy and fulfillment, such as his relationships and his personal growth.

This ability to compartmentalize is crucial. While it's natural to be affected by setbacks, do not let one negative experience spill over into every other aspect of your life.

Mental health counselors teach tools like the S.T.A.R. method to help shift negative thinking.

Stop: Take a deep breath.

Think: Assess the situation logically and recognize that not all areas of life are affected.

Act: Respond with the best course of action, focusing on what you can control.

Review: Acknowledge blessings and strengths that may have been overshadowed by the setback.

Intentionally reject the belief that one setback defines your entire life. This mindset aligns with God’s encouragement to forget the past and embrace His plans for the future. As Isaiah 43:18-19 (NIV) reminds us, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!...Do you not perceive it?”

3.     Resilient people do not take setbacks personally.

Resilient individuals understand that not everything bad that happens is their fault, nor is the world aligned against them. They refrain from the “If only I had…” mentality and focus on how to move forward.

What does this look like in real life? Consider Sarah and John again. When Sarah loses her job, she feels personally attacked by the situation, taking the layoff as a reflection of her worth. John, however, doesn’t take it personally and considers other reasons for the loss of his job.

Rather than internalizing setbacks, consider applying attribution theory—a psychological approach to understanding why things happen by seeking insight rather than assigning blame. This method encourages evaluating both internal qualities and external factors. For instance, in Sarah and John’s situation, their job losses could be attributed to external influences such as other people’s decisions, the complex job market, or economic conditions. Adopting this perspective can help reduce unnecessary stress and foster a more balanced view of challenges.

Setbacks aren’t always personal failures. In the story of a blind man in John 9:1-3, Jesus’s disciples ask whether the man’s blindness was caused by his own sin or his parents’. Jesus responds, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.” This reminds us that sometimes the problems we face in life are opportunities for God to reveal His power and purpose.

Finding Hope in Life’s Challenges

Resilient people understand that their current struggles won’t last forever. They don’t allow a negative experience to define their lives or their worth. Instead, they look for hope, take the next step forward, and open themselves to God’s blessings, no matter how small.

Whatever challenge you may be facing today, remember that God’s love is permanent. When discouragement sets in, pause to give yourself a S.T.A.R., and resist the enemy’s temptation to dwell on negativity. Resilience is a journey that grows stronger with each step, and God's faithfulness will guide you through every challenge.

Next Steps

Now that you understand the mindset of a resilient person, we can turn our focus to developing additional skills that resilient people cultivate. In the next article, we’ll discuss practical ways to continue building resilience for life’s inevitable setbacks.

Sign up for The Resilience Project Free Online Course. This self-paced program helps you learn and practice the skills resilient people have, so you, too, can build resilience.

Explore The Resilience Project Educational Program available for your church, school, and organization.