Build your resilience: Learned attributes of resilient people (Part 3)

This is the third and final article in a series based on The Resilience Project, a faith-fueled program that teaches how to bounce back faster and stronger from life’s setbacks, challenges, and transitions.

In the previous two articles, we followed the stories of two people facing unexpected unemployment, Sarah and John, as we described three things resilient people do and how resilient people view setbacks. 

Next, we will discover three learned attributes of resilient people. As you read, take a moment to reflect on your own resilience and consider areas where you may grow. 

1.     Resilient people are optimistic about the future.

Let’s go back to Sarah and John. Sarah sees every employment possibility as a step back from her previous job and is sure that the future she hoped for is lost. However, John is confident that the best is yet to come, perhaps through eventual higher pay, more flexibility, meeting new people, or learning new things. He trusts that God has a plan and will provide for his future. 

Psychologists generally agree that individuals who believe that good things are ahead tend to be more resilient. Therapists will often use cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to encourage individuals to challenge negative thought patterns and reframe them into more hopeful perspectives. When people cultivate positive future expectations, they enhance their motivation, resilience, and emotional well-being.

Christians know that even in their hardest losses, God is still at work, guiding them toward His plans. Jeremiah 29:11 reminds us of God’s plans for our future: "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Even when setbacks occur, we can trust that God’s purpose is greater than our present struggles. 

2.    Resilient people are empathetic and compassionate, while maintaining boundaries to protect their well-being. 

Sarah meets another job seeker at a local community center. She understands how this fellow job seeker feels, and Sarah wants to help. She spends hours trying to help. She becomes too emotionally and mentally drained to manage her own job search and finds herself feeling increasingly hopeless. 

Meanwhile, when John meets fellow job seekers, he offers a few resume tips and follows through on his promise to pray for them. Then, he continues with his own search. 

Resilient individuals empathize with others but recognize the importance of limiting their emotional investment. Rather than becoming consumed by fixing others’ problems, they offer support in ways that sustain their own resilience. 

Excessive emotional involvement in others' struggles can lead to compassion fatigue—a state of emotional exhaustion that reduces one’s ability to cope effectively. Instead, try practicing compassionate detachment, showing kindness and support while maintaining boundaries.  

This aligns with God’s instructions to extend kindness to others while maintaining wisdom in how we give. Proverbs 3:27 reminds us, "Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act." Resilient individuals recognize that offering support and compassion is valuable, but it must be done within their capacity. 

3.     Resilient people do not adopt a victim mentality.

It's been a while since Sarah heard back from any prospective employers. In her discouragement, she suspects that someone from her previous employer is spreading rumors about her. It’s no surprise, she thinks—someone or something always derails her efforts. She feels like a victim. 

John also has thoughts of discouragement, but he realizes this is a normal part of the job search. He remembers that the same God who wants the best for him is in charge. John takes some time to pray for patience and guidance and returns to the job search with a new strategy. 

Resilient individuals understand that sometimes setbacks occur, often through no fault of their own, but this doesn't mean that bad things will always happen to them or that overcoming these setbacks is impossible. 

Rather than feeling like powerless victims, resilient individuals like John develop agency and adaptability—the ability to take meaningful action and adjust strategies when faced with obstacles. Instead of feeling like there's nothing they can do, resilient individuals view them with a growth mindset, which we discussed in the first article of this series. They see obstacles as opportunities to refine their approaches and seek new solutions. 

Jesus acknowledges that challenges are inevitable but assures that the ultimate victory is found in Him. "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33) 

Resilience is a Journey

Resilience is a lifelong pursuit, built through intentional effort and self-reflection. Developing a positive outlook, practicing empathy with healthy boundaries, and overcoming a victim mentality are skills that can be cultivated at any stage in life. We encourage you to work on your resilience, so you can navigate setbacks with greater confidence and perseverance.  

Next Steps

In this three-part series about resilience, you’ve learned nine characteristics of resilient people. While these articles provide valuable insights, they only scratch the surface. Resilience is a skill that requires practice, and there is so much more to explore and develop!

Sign up for The Resilience Project Free Online Course. This self-paced program dives deeper, providing practical tools and exercises to help you build and strengthen your resilience in everyday life.

Explore The Resilience Project Educational Program available for your church, school, and organization.