Help for parents under pressure

by Jane Mose, Family Peer Specialist and Certified Parenting Coach

When we become parents, we look forward to a lifetime of joy. However, we often don’t realize that with the blessing of children can come a great deal of stress. The U.S. Surgeon General even put out a 2024 advisory regarding the growing mental health challenges faced by parents today. The advisory cites a 2023 study revealing some startling statistics, including:

• 41% of parents report feeling so stressed on most days that they cannot function, compared to 20% of other adults.
• 48% of parents describe their stress as completely overwhelming, compared to 26% of other adults.

Dear parents, this stress and anxiety are not what God wants for us (see Philippians 4:6)—and the pressures we face as parents affect our children as well. When we are stressed and overwhelmed, it is much harder to slow down and connect with our children. Yet these connections have an incredible impact on our children’s physical and emotional well-being.

The Importance of Parent-Child Connection

In psychological circles, the parent-child connection is referred to as attachment. Researchers have studied the relationship between infants and caregivers since the early 1970s. Hundreds of studies on attachment have taken place, and researchers have discovered four types of attachment styles: secure, avoidant, ambivalent, and disorganized. These styles often influence how children relate to their parents and peers.

It’s important to note that attachment styles are not a measure of how much you love your child or how much they love you. These styles are shaped by numerous factors, many of which occur in their first years of life and even prenatally—and are often outside a parent’s control.

Did you know that many behavioral challenges from children can be symptoms of insecure attachments? Here are some examples:

• Demanding behavior and meltdowns may stem from a child’s fear and lack of trust in their caregivers' decisions. They only trust that their own choices are good for them.
• Clinginess and attention-seeking could indicate a child’s need for reassurance of parental love and security.
• A strong focus on material possessions (toys, electronics, etc.) over relationships might reflect an insecure attachment to caregivers.

Building Stronger Connections

So, what can busy parents do to strengthen their bond with their children? A first step would be gaining an understanding of your children’s attachment styles, and learning strategies to connect effectively with them.

If you’re looking for practical guidance, Christian Family Solutions offers an online course called Strengthening Parent-Child Connections. This self-paced online program equips you with tools to understand and strengthen your child’s attachment style, fostering deeper trust and connection.

Access the course here

We pray that this course will be a blessing to you as you strengthen your connections with the precious children God has given you!